Life Isn't Perfect & Diabetes Is A Fickle Bitch
This past times Fri through Mon morning, my diabetes non solely behaved, it was damn close perfect. Perfect numbers to stand upwardly for a perfect concluding summertime weekend.
NEWSFLASH: Life isn’t perfect in addition to diabetes is a fickle bitch.
Monday morning time started exactly enough. I woke upwardly amongst a 140 blood saccharide an nine units left of insulin inwards my reservoir. I set inwards a fresh reservoir, bolused for in addition to drank about coffee, in addition to thus headed out to larn my gentle stretch yoga on.
2 hours after I walked inwards the trouble solid amongst a blood saccharide of 95 in addition to feeling all types of groovy.
And in addition to thus slowly, similar the entertainment ride called Free Fall, a ride I loved in addition to feared every bit a youngster in addition to despise every bit an adult, my numbers started to ascension in addition to wouldn’t come upwardly down.
120 - no big deal. 150 - I’d exactly had luncheon thus that was cool. 200, 190, 233, 250, 200,249, 270, all the agency upwardly to 293.
No concluding solar daytime of summertime fun for me - in addition to no affair how many correction boluses I did or novel infusions sites I set inwards (two,) my numbers wouldn’t budge.
My numbers were shit in addition to I felt terrible. I ate few crackers in addition to a piece of cheese for dinner in addition to drank lodge soda for the residual of night.
At eleven pm, I called it a day, in addition to solely after my blood saccharide had fallen from 290 to 240 in addition to I felt condom to larn to bed.
I woke upwardly at 1:26 am amongst a filled bladder in addition to a blood saccharide of 226.
I gave myself a correction bolus of 1.7 units, peed similar a race Equus caballus in addition to went dorsum to bed.
I woke upwardly at 6:45 am, Tuesday amongst xx units elevator inwards my reservoir in addition to a 247 blood sugar.
I changed out my site 1 time to a greater extent than in addition to switched out my reservoir for all the same about other novel 1 - eating the xx units of precious insulin inwards the process.
I bolused for a loving cup of java in addition to a correction, showered in addition to left the trouble solid amongst a blood saccharide of 199.
I ate a poly peptide bar in addition to went virtually my business - I had a busy calendar week in addition to quite frankly,
I needed to larn shit done.
And I was getting shit done - until 11ish am, when my blood saccharide started to autumn fast and once 1 time to a greater extent than mimicking that damn Free Fall. Except instead of rising to the heavens, my Diabetes Free Fall ride was crashing fast in addition to heading to hell in addition to I couldn’t perish on upwardly amongst it.
I’d exactly left Staples in addition to was shoving a kindbar inwards my mouth, trying to forestall the crash in addition to it wasn't kicking inwards fast enough, for my liking.
I made it to my auto in addition to sat inwards the drivers seat, telephone inwards 1 hand, glucose tabs inwards another, meter side past times side to me - in addition to tried to rest calm.
My meter said I was 65, but I knew I wasn’t. I was sweating in addition to shaking. I stared at the medical ID bracelet on my wrist in addition to I was grateful - If something were to happen, at to the lowest degree they’d know I had diabetes.
5 glucose tabs later. I got out of my auto in addition to walked to the Pizza store side past times side to the Staples.
I felt unsteady on my feet - in addition to every bit I pulled the handgrip on the door, I felt my trunk argument to 1 side - a weird deadening argument - in addition to for a split upwardly second, the door handgrip of a abrupt looked sideways. I walked through the door, went to the potable fridge. grabbed a Nantucket Lemonade in addition to started to potable it. I went to the cashier, gave her the 3 dollars without blinking an pump or uttering a word. I was starting to experience similar myself 1 time to a greater extent than - a tired, sweaty version of myself.
I sat inwards my auto for about other 25 minutes, taking lilliputian sips of lemonade - at 55 grams of carbs I didn’t desire to sip the bottle downwardly in addition to bargain amongst high blood sugars later.
Finally, I set the telephone substitution inwards the ignition when my meter flashed 91 on the screen.
And every bit I was driving I started to cry.
I cried because I was angry in addition to frustrated in addition to I cried because for the showtime fourth dimension inwards a long time, diabetes had kicked me thus damn difficult I was afraid I wouldn’t endure able to larn dorsum up.
When I got home, I sat at my desk in addition to tried my best to larn on amongst my solar daytime - but the feeling of diabetes defeat wouldn’t exit my side. I chatted briefly online amongst a few Dr. friends virtually it -but kept the fact that I’d been thus scared to myself.
My numbers didn’t run inwards a higher identify 150 for the residual of the afternoon. And at 4pm, I closed my laptop down, called it a day, crawled into bed in addition to took a nap.
And for most of concluding night, I kept thinking virtually diabetes getting the best of me.
I kept telling myself that THIS wasn’t a daily occurrence in addition to that we, every unmarried someone living amongst diabetes, direct maintain days similar this - in addition to I know that to endure true.
Each of us direct maintain days in addition to moments where diabetes does larn the best of us - And I needed to direct maintain that - in addition to I usually do.
But for about reason, it was actually difficult to direct maintain this time... because I don’t desire diabetes to larn the best of me - I don’t desire diabetes to fucking win.
I don’t desire diabetes to direct maintain the upper hand. I don't desire diabetes to convey moments in addition to whatever to a greater extent than people away from me who I love, in addition to I don’t desire diabetes to convey me away from the people I beloved or the life I desire to live.
And every 1 time inwards a piece - after something similar this happens, deep downwardly within I'm afraid that diabetes will.
The past times 24 hours amongst diabetes had been a oil ride. Now, the ride was over, the commons was closed in addition to I'm glad to larn on amongst the concern of living.
And today? Today is going actually well. Today is going great
NEWSFLASH: Life isn’t perfect in addition to diabetes is a fickle bitch.
2 hours after I walked inwards the trouble solid amongst a blood saccharide of 95 in addition to feeling all types of groovy.
And in addition to thus slowly, similar the entertainment ride called Free Fall, a ride I loved in addition to feared every bit a youngster in addition to despise every bit an adult, my numbers started to ascension in addition to wouldn’t come upwardly down.
120 - no big deal. 150 - I’d exactly had luncheon thus that was cool. 200, 190, 233, 250, 200,249, 270, all the agency upwardly to 293.
No concluding solar daytime of summertime fun for me - in addition to no affair how many correction boluses I did or novel infusions sites I set inwards (two,) my numbers wouldn’t budge.
At eleven pm, I called it a day, in addition to solely after my blood saccharide had fallen from 290 to 240 in addition to I felt condom to larn to bed.
I woke upwardly at 1:26 am amongst a filled bladder in addition to a blood saccharide of 226.
I gave myself a correction bolus of 1.7 units, peed similar a race Equus caballus in addition to went dorsum to bed.
I woke upwardly at 6:45 am, Tuesday amongst xx units elevator inwards my reservoir in addition to a 247 blood sugar.
I changed out my site 1 time to a greater extent than in addition to switched out my reservoir for all the same about other novel 1 - eating the xx units of precious insulin inwards the process.
I bolused for a loving cup of java in addition to a correction, showered in addition to left the trouble solid amongst a blood saccharide of 199.
I ate a poly peptide bar in addition to went virtually my business - I had a busy calendar week in addition to quite frankly,
I needed to larn shit done.
And I was getting shit done - until 11ish am, when my blood saccharide started to autumn fast and once 1 time to a greater extent than mimicking that damn Free Fall. Except instead of rising to the heavens, my Diabetes Free Fall ride was crashing fast in addition to heading to hell in addition to I couldn’t perish on upwardly amongst it.
I’d exactly left Staples in addition to was shoving a kindbar inwards my mouth, trying to forestall the crash in addition to it wasn't kicking inwards fast enough, for my liking.
I made it to my auto in addition to sat inwards the drivers seat, telephone inwards 1 hand, glucose tabs inwards another, meter side past times side to me - in addition to tried to rest calm.
My meter said I was 65, but I knew I wasn’t. I was sweating in addition to shaking. I stared at the medical ID bracelet on my wrist in addition to I was grateful - If something were to happen, at to the lowest degree they’d know I had diabetes.
5 glucose tabs later. I got out of my auto in addition to walked to the Pizza store side past times side to the Staples.
I felt unsteady on my feet - in addition to every bit I pulled the handgrip on the door, I felt my trunk argument to 1 side - a weird deadening argument - in addition to for a split upwardly second, the door handgrip of a abrupt looked sideways. I walked through the door, went to the potable fridge. grabbed a Nantucket Lemonade in addition to started to potable it. I went to the cashier, gave her the 3 dollars without blinking an pump or uttering a word. I was starting to experience similar myself 1 time to a greater extent than - a tired, sweaty version of myself.
I sat inwards my auto for about other 25 minutes, taking lilliputian sips of lemonade - at 55 grams of carbs I didn’t desire to sip the bottle downwardly in addition to bargain amongst high blood sugars later.
Finally, I set the telephone substitution inwards the ignition when my meter flashed 91 on the screen.
And every bit I was driving I started to cry.
When I got home, I sat at my desk in addition to tried my best to larn on amongst my solar daytime - but the feeling of diabetes defeat wouldn’t exit my side. I chatted briefly online amongst a few Dr. friends virtually it -but kept the fact that I’d been thus scared to myself.
My numbers didn’t run inwards a higher identify 150 for the residual of the afternoon. And at 4pm, I closed my laptop down, called it a day, crawled into bed in addition to took a nap.
And for most of concluding night, I kept thinking virtually diabetes getting the best of me.
I kept telling myself that THIS wasn’t a daily occurrence in addition to that we, every unmarried someone living amongst diabetes, direct maintain days similar this - in addition to I know that to endure true.
Each of us direct maintain days in addition to moments where diabetes does larn the best of us - And I needed to direct maintain that - in addition to I usually do.
But for about reason, it was actually difficult to direct maintain this time... because I don’t desire diabetes to larn the best of me - I don’t desire diabetes to fucking win.
I don’t desire diabetes to direct maintain the upper hand. I don't desire diabetes to convey moments in addition to whatever to a greater extent than people away from me who I love, in addition to I don’t desire diabetes to convey me away from the people I beloved or the life I desire to live.
And every 1 time inwards a piece - after something similar this happens, deep downwardly within I'm afraid that diabetes will.
The past times 24 hours amongst diabetes had been a oil ride. Now, the ride was over, the commons was closed in addition to I'm glad to larn on amongst the concern of living.
And today? Today is going actually well. Today is going great
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